“…We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed.” ~ Titus 2:12
What touched me in my reading this of this verse this morning is HOPE. One of the first things I do each morning, as soon as I awake, is to read my Bible and have sweet prayer time with my King. This is a habit I’ve been practicing for the past few years. The hard road I’ve been on didn’t just begin when my relationship with my husband ended. Truth is, our struggles began after only two months. I’ve cried way too many tears the past 7 years…crying myself to sleep most nights. I don’t even think he knew. I felt the oneness broken, but didn’t understand fully why, yet the pain cut deep into my soul. I didn’t know what to do… many days I lashed out in anger, hatred and was not even close to being the loving and devoted wife I was supposed to be. The upside is that it drove me closer to the Lord. I seriously had no choice! I realized that I HAD to wake up and run into the arms of Jesus first thing. This is a habit that I intend to keep until I take my last breath here on earth. It saves me every single day.
You see, I’ve struggled all my life, as long as I can remember with an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. My life was very hard even as a young girl. I had to endure hardships that no girl before the age of 5 should have ever have to endure. I remember crying and crying and thinking that I just want to die. I hated life and didn’t want to live any more. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning thinking – I am still here… Noooooo, I have to endure another day! How utterly sad is that! My parents were not spiritual at all so I didn’t even know there was a God to rescue me.
I understand now that it is an evil spirit or spirits that have attacked me my whole life. Our struggle is not with flesh and blood, but with principalities and powers. This is the thing though, they are not creative. They only know their same tricks they’ve had since they fell from Heaven. When they attack and we react, they just keep doing it. But, if when they attack, and we resist and rebuke them, they are impatient and give up for a while. That doesn’t mean they won’t try again because they will, but just as God’s Word says, if we resist the devil, he will flee. It is true.
As I struggle now through this pain, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns and the attacks are back. Some days, it’s a moment by moment fight! The devil is working overtime. Some moments, I find myself losing the battle and I may cave for a little while but then through prayer, worship music, the many prayers of the saints on my behalf, and diving into God’s Word and He reminds me of his truth and even shows me new truths to help me fight back. God is so gracious that he even gave me a sword to use at these very moments and it is:
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” ~ Jeremiah 29:11
I am often crying my eyes out and can barely get the words of this verse out but I do it anyway. I ask for forgiveness for partnering with the spirit of hopelessness. That’s when my circumstances may not change, but I experience peace that makes no sense. He’s faithful. If we seek Him, we will find Him.
If you struggle with finding hope in your life, I encourage you to pray and ask God to give you a sword that you can use in your moments of battle. He will because He is faithful.
God has something far better and bigger planned for me and I am walking in that truth today in HOPE.
This is one of my new favorite places on earth. It’s Lahaina’s Baby Beach in Maui. I am going to have a little home on this beach one day…